Friday, December 19, 2003
I am so bored today.... Guess its time to just write something.
Was reading the previous postings that I made. Can't believe I wrote all those and actually posted them on the net. But I guess that' s what blogs are all about, to record your thoughts in that moment of your life, regardless of how ridiculous they really are.
Having my holidays now and feeling really aimless, like I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. I can't seem to find my direction in life in any of my friends. They are all so busy and so caught up in their own life. I am setting out on my own life as well but the process will be a lonely one. Like a pebble in the river, the tides pass me by, whereas I remain stagnant. But I am confident that it is only a matter of time before that arrow appears to direct me.
The search for true happiness and self content is frustrating. The gaze is evil, it hurts you and goes on to destroy you, your beliefs in yourself, your hope. The moment you feel that you are confident to face them, the gaze destroys you. The words from the lips of the devil burns your skin, poisons your heart, blurs you vision, consumes your brain. I am just not ready, prepared and confident enough. I have yet to truly overcome my shortcomings. I dont believe in myself. Guess this is what boredom causes. It forces you to think, to reflect in life, to face yourself. It forces you to face the mirror. Are you happy with your reflection? Do you like what you see? Do you care about what the others see? At this stage, I do care about what others see. But I want to overcome this. I have to. I must. It just takes time......
Was reading the previous postings that I made. Can't believe I wrote all those and actually posted them on the net. But I guess that' s what blogs are all about, to record your thoughts in that moment of your life, regardless of how ridiculous they really are.
Having my holidays now and feeling really aimless, like I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. I can't seem to find my direction in life in any of my friends. They are all so busy and so caught up in their own life. I am setting out on my own life as well but the process will be a lonely one. Like a pebble in the river, the tides pass me by, whereas I remain stagnant. But I am confident that it is only a matter of time before that arrow appears to direct me.
The search for true happiness and self content is frustrating. The gaze is evil, it hurts you and goes on to destroy you, your beliefs in yourself, your hope. The moment you feel that you are confident to face them, the gaze destroys you. The words from the lips of the devil burns your skin, poisons your heart, blurs you vision, consumes your brain. I am just not ready, prepared and confident enough. I have yet to truly overcome my shortcomings. I dont believe in myself. Guess this is what boredom causes. It forces you to think, to reflect in life, to face yourself. It forces you to face the mirror. Are you happy with your reflection? Do you like what you see? Do you care about what the others see? At this stage, I do care about what others see. But I want to overcome this. I have to. I must. It just takes time......
